Sumber: https://youtu.be/qSGKJsKs4JM?feature=shared
the RAB asks and says a man isn't
working currently but his wife earns
decently in a business she spends 1/3 of
what she earns on family 1/3 she keeps
in savings and the remaining third she
gives to her parents her husband objects
to it and asks her to stop sponsoring
her parents as they're not needy
and keep the remaining third also in
savings he told her it is his right to
channel her spending she denies it and
asks for evidence they are from India
this is a frequently asked question and
through my humble experience whenever
issues over money arise this usually
does not end well whenever there is a
dispute over wealth over property over
spending this means that the
relationship between the spouses is not
positive and the vast majority of such
problems come when the wife is working
and she's earning and sometimes she
earns more than the man and this is when
the man intervenes and wants to have
control even on the wife's salary or to
at least have control where she spends
her money and dispute arises so what's
the ruling first of all we have to go to
the basics it is not something
that is dependent on our logic or our
taste or even our culture no it's not
the way to judge things in the early 60s
and 70s of the previous century the 20th
century the Muslims were bombarded with
movies TV series with programs depicting
and ready cooling a man with more than
one wife so what is called polygamy or
having more than one wife was fiercely
fought and attacked and this changed a
lot of the perception and the ideas of
the people to the extent that it became
normal for housewives even in the lands
of Islam born to Muslim parents living
in a Muslim country it was normal for a
woman to say let my husband go abroad
commit adultery fornicate does whatever
he wants and come back to me after a
month as my own husband and this is
better for me she says than him taking a
wife in halal where she would be a co
wife to me Subhan Allah she accepts him
to commit adultery and she turns a blind
eye to that so that he would not get
married in halal as Allah has prescribed
for him when there is a need likewise
nowadays we are bombarded through the
media through women movements you to me
- we - he as well movements calling for
empowerment of women
we have bloggers we have youtubers we
have celebrities coming and brainwashing
with filth the brains of women telling
them in confidence you can make a
difference you can be your own decider
of how your life goes
you don't need no one you can be
independent you have your choice you
have your freedom your face is your
identity
don't let anyone cover it don't let
anyone suppress you and hide you and
tell you what to do and what not to do
audhu billahi min ash-shaytaan-i'r
rajeem if Satan were to come he wouldn't
add anything more because all what
they're calling people to is to go out
of the boundaries of Islam this is what
their actual mission is now some of them
out of courtesy would probably say you
can do this through the Islamic channels
or through the Sharia how you want to
give women empowerment you want her to
get married without a guardian you want
her to travel without a Muharram you
want her to do whatever she wants take
off the hijab come out in western
clothes mixed with men where is Islam
she says I pray five times a day why do
you cover your hair when you pray
because Allah told me to cover and my
prayer would be invalid if I prayed
without covering my hair to shake so why
don't you cascade this to the rest of
your life the moral of what I want to
say I don't want to waste my your time
on such a topic the people nowadays are
bombarding women to be independent so if
you work then you're independent you
don't need a man in so many times we
here
this my job is more important my husband
and my kids because my job gives me
empowerment my husband and children
they'll tie me down and I would not
benefit from that so if we go back to
the basics we know that this is not the
way Islam works a wife is dependent on
her husband this is the norm she is
obedient to him and he is the guardian
and he decides almost everything in the
household he decides for the family for
the betterment of their lives and for
them to progress and to move on forward
this is the norm but there might be
exceptions there might be black sheeps
sheep in the family so we have to look
at each case by case scenario now as for
the rehab question if a woman is
currently working let us ask was this
condition stipulated in the marriage
contract meaning that when you proposed
her guardian or she said I'd like to
have your consent that after marriage I
continue to work and he says I agree so
they stipulated a condition and he
agreed in this case he's obliged to
allow her to work not only that he has
no control over a single penny of what
she earns and he has no right none
whatsoever to tell her who to spend it
on and who not to spend it on this has
to be cleared secondly if the condition
was not fulfilled at what was not
stipulated they did not ask for it
though she was working but when they
made the marriage contract they did not
stipulate this condition after marriage
it is the right of the husband to decide
whether to allow her to work or not to
work why because this is the meaning of
the Constitution of marriage that the
the wife stays home and the husband
works and provides simple as that now if
he allows her to work this is his
decision and by allowing her he would
compromise some of his rights because
instead of her being home 24/7 taking
care of his house and it was children of
him he is losing like 10 hours a day for
her to work here it is something that
they must reach a mutual agreement so
the husband in such a situation has the
right to say I don't want you to work
and it's a must that she obeys him or he
says I allow you to work but you have to
compensate me by paying for example for
the driver or for the maid who's working
instead of you cooking and cleaning or
to give me like 25 percent of your
salary this is what they agree upon it's
a business transaction the wife has all
the right to say this is not fair you're
not a man to ask such thing from your
wife I'm quitting this is her god-given
right she quits she sits home it's his
job but does life go on like this either
my way or the highway it doesn't
basically speaking I do not approve of
men taking anything from their women I
do not consider a man to be a proper
real man when he
stretches his hand begging his wife for
allowance or for her to buy the food if
his stone broke he should act like
someone whose stone broke rather than
being arrogant and insisting on this and
that as if she's obliged to work she's
not obliged to work and at the same time
I'm addressing this to the wife you have
to be wise so you have to balance things
up first of all every single penny that
you pay for the household for the food
for the rent for the electricity the
utilities Allah will reward you for this
if you anticipate the reward from allah
azza wajal
because it's not your obligation you're
not forced to do this even if you are
rich it is not your responsibility to
spend a dime on yourself on your
children or on the house
this is his duty and obligation if he's
jobless tough luck my money is my money
he has to manage so if you are giving a
helping hand may Allah reward you this
is good now if he says that you must not
pay one-third of your salary or income
to your parents I think that this is a
bit stupid with all due respect yeah and
he he doesn't work he doesn't provide
and he wants to be treated as a man at
the end of the day and Simon says don't
do this Simon Says do that this is
pathetic
this guy is out of his mind so as a
woman I am addressing your diplomacy and
intellect don't go to down to his level
don't share with him any of your
expenses
beware of having a mutual bank account
this is one of the wrong places to be in
your income your money your wealth keep
it in your savings your own bank account
nobody knows about it his savings and
money nobody knows about it it's his but
when you share everything that oh I got
a raise I got a bonus I my salary was
deducted so and so with him he tends to
get greedy so you have to separate these
things and don't tell him whether you
gave him your mom or your parents
something or not this is not his
responsibility may Allah reward you for
spending one third of your income over
the house when he's jobless but you have
to reach a compromise with him you have
to reach a mutual understanding that
listen Andy let's be realistic
you cannot beg and at the same time set
conditions so I give a euro to this
beggar and he says what would I do with
a euro I can't buy a pack of cigarettes
at least give me ten look at him what is
this when you're begging your ha we're
having the lower hand so whatever comes
you say I'd have the left risalah and
move on not to put such conditions but
at the end of the day Islamically we
judge it upon whether the condition to
work was stipulated in the contract or
not if not then you have to reach a
mutual understanding compromise and try
to find a solution out and remember that
you're setting a target and that is to
preserve your marriage and your family
if you go down the road of checking
every single penny you paid and where he
placed it and he's holding you
accountable and he is doing the record
books behind you then this marriage is
not going to end well may Allah shall
make it easy for all of you
Arti:--------------------------------
Pertanyaan RAB: Seorang pria saat ini tidak bekerja, tetapi istrinya berpenghasilan cukup baik dari bisnis. Ia membelanjakan 1/3 penghasilannya untuk keluarga, 1/3 ditabung, dan 1/3 diberikan kepada orang tuanya. Sang suami keberatan dan memintanya berhenti memberi kepada orang tuanya karena mereka tidak membutuhkan, dan menyimpan 1/3 tersebut ke tabungan. Ia mengatakan bahwa itu adalah haknya untuk mengatur pengeluaran istrinya. Istrinya menolak dan meminta dalil. Mereka berasal dari India.
Ini adalah pertanyaan yang sering ditanyakan, dan dari pengalaman saya yang sederhana, setiap kali muncul masalah tentang uang, biasanya tidak berakhir dengan baik. Ketika ada perselisihan tentang harta, properti, atau pengeluaran, itu pertanda bahwa hubungan suami-istri tidak sehat. Mayoritas masalah seperti ini terjadi ketika istri bekerja dan berpenghasilan, bahkan kadang lebih besar dari suami. Saat itulah suami ingin ikut campur dan mengendalikan gaji istri atau minimal menentukan ke mana uangnya dipakai, lalu timbul perselisihan.
Jadi, bagaimana hukumnya?
Pertama-tama kita kembali ke dasar. Ini bukan sesuatu yang bergantung pada logika, selera, atau budaya. Tidak. Itu bukan cara menilai. Pada tahun 1960-an dan 70-an, umat Islam dibombardir film, serial TV, dan program yang mencemooh poligami. Poligami dilawan keras, sehingga mengubah pola pikir masyarakat. Akibatnya, banyak wanita Muslimah lebih rela suaminya berzina di luar negeri daripada menikah lagi secara halal. Naudzubillah.
Demikian pula sekarang, media dan gerakan feminis membombardir wanita untuk menjadi independen. Blogger, YouTuber, selebriti terus mendorong ide bahwa wanita harus bebas, bisa memutuskan sendiri, tidak perlu suami, wajah adalah identitas, jangan biarkan siapa pun mengatur. Seolah-olah inilah kebebasan, padahal justru mengajak keluar dari batasan Islam.
Namun dalam Islam, normanya: seorang istri bergantung pada suami, taat kepadanya, dan suami adalah wali yang memutuskan banyak hal dalam rumah tangga demi kebaikan keluarga. Ada pengecualian, tentu, tapi aturan umumnya demikian.
Kembali ke kasus ini:
Jika seorang wanita bekerja, perlu ditanyakan:
Apakah ini disyaratkan dalam akad nikah?
Misalnya ia berkata: “Saya ingin setelah menikah tetap bekerja,” lalu wali atau calon suami setuju. Kalau ya, maka suami wajib membiarkannya bekerja, dan ia tidak punya hak sedikit pun atas gaji istri, atau menentukan ke mana uangnya dibelanjakan.
Jika tidak disyaratkan dalam akad, maka setelah menikah, suami berhak menentukan apakah mengizinkan istrinya bekerja atau tidak. Karena secara syariat, tugas istri di rumah, dan suamilah yang mencari nafkah. Jika suami izinkan, maka itu kompromi—ia kehilangan sebagian haknya karena istri tidak 24 jam di rumah. Maka boleh ada perjanjian saling ridha, misalnya: istri menyewa pembantu, atau menyumbang sebagian gaji untuk kebutuhan rumah.
Namun pada dasarnya, suami tidak boleh memaksa istri menyerahkan uangnya, apalagi jika tidak ada kesepakatan sejak awal.
Saya pribadi tidak setuju laki-laki meminta uang dari istrinya. Itu bukan sifat lelaki sejati. Jika benar-benar miskin, ia harus berusaha, bukan malah memaksa istrinya bekerja dan menanggung biaya rumah.
Bagi istri, setiap rupiah yang engkau keluarkan untuk rumah, makanan, listrik, meski bukan kewajibanmu, akan dibalas pahala oleh Allah. Karena itu adalah sedekah.
Tentang memberi ke orang tua:
Kalau suami tidak bekerja, lalu masih melarang istri memberi kepada orang tuanya yang tidak miskin, menurut saya itu tindakan yang kurang bijak. Ia seharusnya realistis. Jika tidak berpenghasilan, jangan sok berkuasa melarang-larang.
Saran praktis:
Jangan pernah memiliki rekening bersama.
Simpan uangmu di rekening pribadi.
Jangan laporkan detail penghasilanmu (kenaikan gaji, bonus, potongan, dll.) kepada suami agar tidak menimbulkan rasa iri atau rakus.
Jika ingin memberi kepada orang tua, lakukan dengan bijak tanpa harus selalu mengumumkannya.
Islam hanya melihat: apakah pekerjaan itu disyaratkan dalam akad nikah atau tidak. Jika iya, suami tidak berhak campur tangan. Jika tidak, maka harus ada kompromi, musyawarah, dan tujuan akhirnya adalah menjaga keutuhan pernikahan dan keluarga.
Kalau sampai menghitung setiap rupiah dan menuntut ini-itu, biasanya pernikahan seperti ini tidak akan berjalan baik.
Semoga Allah memudahkan urusan semua keluarga.
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